Madison_Juliet_McKnight's Xanga

October 24...talk abt outdated

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 11:01:59 GMT

Today...[like it matters]

I woke up today…awakened from one of those dreams which will make you so disturbed for the rest of the day thinking about it’s ending…anyway I rolled out of bed and timed myself exactly half an hour to get dressed and prepared, armed with my usual frozen Milo and Dad’s French toast [darn, no cinnamon!], as well as keeping my handphone on silent mode to prevent any disturbance…well Si Wei was the culprit who woke me up after my endless chat with David till 1a.m which drained every last drop of credit I had…

What was I prepared for?

Only to watch ‘Bride and Prejudice’ the movie!

It started at sharp 11 and you have no idea how angry I was at Astro for not displaying any darn subtitles…grrr [It was a Hindi Movie, do I look like I’m from Delhi?!]

Anyway the movie was still really cool, now I’m aiming to watch Mistress of Spices.

At 1p.m sharp, my parents began to get on my nerves…they insisted I follow them to watch ‘Open Season’ the movie…I’m 16 for crying out loud! Talking animals ain’t gonna do me any good, besides I wanted to watch ‘John Tucker Must Die’

Well it wasn’t as though they were gonna be all understanding, so heck yeah I had to tag along like a helpless bunny!

We went all the way to Bangsar for lunch which to my opinion was really silly just because the movie was delayed till 7p.m…well we went there and during all the car rides I was mute and dumb, all thanks to my wonderful mp3 player and Planet Shakers…hehehe

We came home to freshen up and I went online to meet my AP friends…Jen and Envelope [Lopey] was online today…we terrorized the cbox and the chatroom! Lopey treats me really well for a guy who is living up to be a bad ass…did I mention that Jen is the coolest lesbian around!

Then we went for the movie, I got a seat overlooking a couple from my school who was cuddling and mushying…and pathetic me was sitting next to an empty seat…grr…

Here comes the good part of the movie, the empty seat next to me was occupied within a few moments later by this cute guy! Hehehe

The movie wasn’t all that bad…it was pretty funny and the guy and I were like exchanging looks and smiles…*blushes*

Okay so I’ll never see this cute red shirt guy ever again…but hey at least he kept me company with his body language…lol

Well that’s the end of my day…not that miserable as I expected it to be…

Now I’m chatting with Sean...the best way to end a day! J

LOL[Lots Of Love]

Meliza

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Sat, 04 Nov 2006 03:34:27 GMT

Somehow I do wonder...how did I end up looking like this...

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 00:46:21 GMT

Do I have the right to remain silent?
Because I really want to remain silent…another word from me could result mass destruction…
I don’t know what’s wrong…why is everything going differently…my conscience isn’t clear…it’s so messed up that my mind can’t coordinate the proper response to a situation.
This is the most important exam of the year…why can’t my head remain straight for at least another 3 weeks…
My boyfriend is a lousy romantic…I can accept that…but after seeing his name and another girls name written all over his text book before…I get all woozy and so mad at him.
I mean do I have the right to be angry with him…its not my fault he hasn’t shown much affection towards me…heck I can’t be jealous…that is just not in my vocabulary
My tuition teacher is driving me insane [I’m already half insane] she thinks I can do everything…I can do anything but not everything…its just unfair…okay so what David said is true…if every inch of the world was fair, we would all die and yeah its true because Jesus died to wash away our sins therefore if the world was fair we should all be dead too…somehow that philosophy doesn’t calm my angry head much…I’m so frustrated I don’t know what can cool me down…
One heck of a discovery: I rely on people to be a person…its like I’ve grown to adapt to my environment so much that I’ve lost the capability to be myself without depending on my environment. If my surroundings are tensed and tempestuous then so am I. If my surroundings are joyful and pleasurable then so am I.
Am I turning into a morbid, gothic person…I don’t know about gothic but I keep thinking about dying, murder, vampires, blood, eternal sleep etc. gosh, what am I turning into??
Hurricanes are name after me.
I am strong. I am tempestuous.
I am sophistication personified.
Courage has become my second nature.
I may not be able to read maps sometimes.
But at least I can ask for directions.
I love shoes, one pair is never enough.
Dancing is my passion. There’s nothing I can’t do.
Backwards and in high heels.
I am woman, hear me roar.
The text above was adapted from the UOB Lady’s card advertisement…the text definitely applies to me in many ways right now the only part of the text which seems to have a great déjà vu effect on my current life situation.
"I may not be able to read maps sometimes.
But at least I can ask for directions."
Being an art major, I have the sheer tendency of looking at things beyond its optical view.
Thus, if you are a normal viewer, the above sentence would mean exactly as it says. However, to me it means that sometimes a woman may lose her way through the cunning ups and down of life, but she is never afraid to gather up her courage and ask for help and advice.
Now the thing is, I can’t read my own life map now, so I’m obviously lost. Question is, can I ask for directions and not get lost again? You see, I’ve told myself once that I can’t keep running to my friends every time something blows out of proportion, and I haven’t because I’ve been trying to fix things on my own. Now I just don’t know if I should ask for help.
All I can say is, I don’t need anymore trouble whatsoever. My bowl of mashed up feelings and sliced up thoughts are just full to the brim…its going to overflow soon…

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 11:30:07 GMT

16^{th September…Saturday Night!}

Well, the morning had its usual tuition terror…but after that things were pretty cool…I think…

So what did happen after the Brain Drain episode...

Mum took me to Summit for the fastest gift shopping ever!

I took half and hour to dress up…ended up pretty but a little heavy on the accessories

Came fashionably late to McD and it actually was a good thing

Gave my most sweetest smile to my friends and my boyfriend and that was when things took a rather lame turn

My boyfriend couldn’t even look me in the eye…he didn’t say much…but his arm was sort of around me

That’s when I discovered that our friends…Nathan and his sister knew that we were a couple.

His friends were pushing him, scolding him, lecturing him to act like a proper boyfriend to me.

Honestly, I’ve heard of shy, but yesterday evening was like Blur Zone for my darling

Towards the end of the party, he held my hand tight…make that really tight…he asked me if I was angry with him

Okay, lets get real here! He is my boyfriend but the way he acted was like a pathetic guy who had a freaking crush on me!

I was on the verge of tears when he and his so called sister got all mushy…I wanted to just stand up and tell her "Hey, don’t mess with my man!" but being the proper and formal female…I just stood up and walked off.

I seriously couldn’t take it…fortunately I was able to hold back my tears…that’s when I discovered how filthy the bathroom was!

So, it was 6.30PM..and our so called date ended without a single mushy moment except him squeezing the life out of my poor hand

I got home and I was just angry with him…I really liked him but it was as though he’s just so clueless to be able to do anything!

After the date which almost made me give up on guys:

I took another half hour to dress up for the dinner party

I entered the huge canopy, searching for my friends…

I was early there so my company was a cute little baby girl who was playing with me

Then I saw the boys, Chin Yau, Sean, Kok Xien, and Kenny!

We hung out for a while…then Elena came!

Everyone started walking in and we were all excited to see each other

Some brought their boyfriends and at that moment I wanted to just call my boyfriend and ask him to get his ass here a.s.a.p

Instead I called Revan and he told me he was on the way! I was so overjoyed.

Then the moment came, I was like Wow! This guy has got some looks…but he was so shy around me!

It was really great to see him…my friends…make that my whole class were so excited to see him…that’s a shock!

His friends were real goofs…

He asked me if I was with Vemall and I admitted it…but a weird feeling in me was really regretting!

His friends wanted me to help them to get Vicki and Mandy’s phone numbers! I told them if they give me Revan for the night I’ll help!

Revan was really shy…was he competing with my boyfriend for the Shyest Boy In The World title!

Even though Revan was definitely boyfriend material, I had to let him go…

Revan was a playboy…he wanted freedom and if I was with him…he won’t get any besides I have one Clueless Boy to watch over!

Anyway, the night ended a little too fast to my liking but it made me happy…even though I couldn’t sleep when I got home because I was really missing my darling

In a nutshell:

Indians guys aren’t all that bad! But honestly shy boyfriends are insanely torturing

Patience is the only option in my relationship

I have such fantastic friends!

At parties, you don’t go for the food…you go for the people!

I didn’t dance at all!

3 days to Sweet 16!

There is a big question mark between me and my boyfriend

Red signifies sexy!

Its 10am…I’m so tired and I need my warm bath…please call me darling…sigh…

Bang! Conciousness...

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 11:26:51 GMT

I realized that you can never please everyone…in the end someone will get upset, dipleased, hurt or just simply confused.
Even if that person may be you, you just have to accept it.
I realized how lucky I am:
I live in a fairly comfortable house
My family…no broken pieces
Complete with my technological needs
Full access to anything and everything that I require to survive
A boyfriend who always makes me smile
Friends who are always by my side
A tution teacher who watches my every move and still remains my close friend
A well developed mind
Beautiful clothes
Before this I took for granted:
The mother who loved me like a sister
The handphones and internet access
The guy who loved me and was willing to adjust to my moodiness
The friends who I could count on
The teacher who I thought had cruel intentions
A brain that would stop ticking during a Math exam…LOL
I now understand that its not worth:
Having everything that you want
Having a whole bunch of guys crowding into your life
Being someone else to impress another
There is more to life.
Although:
I did not get a gorgeously handsome and brilliantly intelligent boyfriend
Fantastic friends like on TV shows
A life of much luxury and less pressure
But at least:
I have a guy, though clueless but cweet
I have amazing friends who support me all the way
Hey, atleast I have a life to live!

Bits and Pieces of Wisdom!

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 07:20:08 GMT

The road to success is not straight.

There is a curb called Failure, a loop called Confusion; speed bumps called Friends; red lights called Enemies;caution lights called Family.

You will have flats called Jobs.

But, if you have a spare called Determination; an engine called Perseverance; insurance called Faith, and a driver called Jesus...

You will make it to a place called Success!!

I Love You In 20 Different Languages!

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 11:43:34 GMT

(ENGLiiSH) ii LOVE YOU

(POLiiSH) JA KOCHAM CiiEBiiE

(FRENCH) JE T'AiiME

(HiiNDii) HUM TUMHE PYAR KARTE HAE

(CZECH) MiiLUJii TE

(SLOVAKiiAN) LU'BiiM TA

(iiTALIAN) Tii AMO

(UKRAiiNiiAN) YA TEBE KAHAYU

(GERMAN) iiSH LiiBE DiiSH

(CHiiNESE) WO Aii Nii

(GREEK) S'AGAPO

(HAWAiiAN) ALOHA WAU iiA Oii

(LiiTHUiiANiiAN) TAV MYLiiU

(KOREAN) SA RANG HAE YO

(JAPANESE) Aii SHii TE RU

(ROMANiiAN) TE UBSEC

(BOSNiiAN) VOLiiM TE

(ALBANiiAN) TE DUA

(FiiLiiPiiNO) MAHAL KiiTA

(SPANiiSH) TE AMO

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 10:06:08 GMT

Life has taken its way down the road of strange, heart pounding occurrences lately…

Just when I thought I had solved the Love Quadrilateral…I had to face a Love Triangle!

It’s really strange how preoccupied I’ve been these days…

Speaking of which…I’ve been IMVU dating…Its really cool!

But trust me it had its strange moments….

1. One date I was on, the guy brought his pet along…and I totally freaked out, you know why?? Because his pet was a VICIOUSLY PURPLE DINOSAUR! Lol

2. Then I went on another date…which was rather cweet…The guy took me swimming! Lol it was really funny and fishy! I was reminded of Finding Nemo…the part where the blue fishy Dory goes “Just keep swimming, swimming swimming…” hehehe

3. I don’t really remember the other dates ….

By the way, people just love to flirt on IMVU!

· This guy on IMVU, he just saw me there and the next thing I know he was hitting on me…James got angry...hehe. If I couldn’t handle things with that guy, James would have done God Knows What to that guy…hehehe I just love James!

· Honestly, some guys just asked me to be his girlfriend on IMVU, it’s not real...and I know it…I can definitely be their girlfriend but what’s the point…Melixa will be the one they are falling in love with!

· The weirdest of all…a girl “kissed” me on IMVU! SHE ASKED ME IF I AM LESBIAN! OH MY GOD! I took a deep breath and told her I’M PERFECTLY STRAIGHT!

Honestly, people these days have really lost their minds! LOL not all just some!

Sean has really helped me overcome so many challenges…I’m ever so grateful! Lizzie…my dear nenek! She has been really caught up but she never fails to give me a hand and lots of laughs…

I am truly blessed with such friends like Sean and Elizabeth!

God Bless them!

Even Daniel [Xelgaroth] who is so far away has proven to me that distance does not change a friendship but makes it bloom! He truly has shown his sincere concern and is always happy to see me happy...hehe...I really miss Dan, I’m only upset when he can’t talk to me…but I have to understand that he’s busy and all as well as the darn time difference! If I meet Dan one day, I’ll hug him really tight for everything he has given me…

That’s not all, my other friends have really been helping me through my weird situations…always making me smile!

I love you people so much!

I’ve learnt lots of things:

· Adrian [datuk] needs lots of time to heal after all he has gone through...but one thing is for sure…I’m gonna be there for him! Besides, he has a cbox angel! LOL Lucky guy! Even God decided to modernize and send him an “Angel from above” online!

· Lizzie…only one thing to say to you nenek…MACAM MANA YOU BOLEH TERBANG GI CAMBODIA WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE TO ME?!

· Planet Shakers totally rocks! Hehe like we don’t already know that!

· My ex boyfriend wants me back! I’m supposed to be happy but now due to all the severe confusion and bad timing: I’m stuck in a messed up Love Triangle!
Note: Love Triangles are much worse than the Bermuda Triangle!
I’ll never look at Pythagoras Theorem the same way again! LOL

· Ini Xanga ah...very the what la…whatever I upload here goes straight to the bottom! Which fella would want to scroll down to the bottom to see what I have uploaded! Apa la!

· James and I can actually call each other for free! That’s fantastic! I just love MSN!

· You can learn a lot from the Board of Wisdom! Duhh that’s why they are called the Board of Wisdom! LOL

· I have some capabilities and job ideas!
>Marriage Counselor
>Activist: you know protecting Women’s rights and defense against Domestic Abuse!
>Lecturer on inspiring and confidence

· My Poem Book!....under construction! Time is passing too fast!

· My Birthday is coming! Yippity yay! LOL

· Miracles do happen and wishes do come true but like the old saying “Beware what you wish for” I only wish I learnt that sooner!

· Nothing is perfect but there always is Almost Perfect!

That’s all for now. I have only 7 days to choose between 2 guys!

I just hope I end up like the girl in Winter Sonata, killing herself! LOL

Well anyway, if it’s meant to be, I believe the right one will come to me!

Love Always and Forever,

Meliza

Spellbinding voice...[hey I updated this place!]

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 10:57:43 GMT

We've known each other for so long now...more than 6 months...somehow I know that there was always that intimate feeling between us...all the words you said mattered so much to me...

You chose to change for me...though we were miles apart...over the vast ocean...and blue seas...you were still close to me...

You said to me with all your heart "I love you , Meliza"...and I just could not have the heart to agree with you...due to the void between us...

Somehow it wasn't fair to me...it wasn't fair to you...I was shocked...thrilled...frightened...and just downright utterly amazed...when you had fallen for this simple Asian girl...

We have our similarities...we have our differences...but no matter what we went through...we still found our way back to each other...

Trust is also an issue here...

Faith is another issue...

Hope is all we have...

No your voice seems to have blinded my thoughts...cleared some of my doubts...unfortunately i long to hear you once again...money is also an issue now...imagine hearing you at an expense of 5 bucks for 10 minutes...if only there was a way to make it all seem clear...

I'm so proud of you...sometimes I'm so upset with you...otherwise I'm just charmed by you...

Smiles used to be contagious...now your voice...

Movement used to be an alluring charm...now the word you put together in a sentence...

Has everything changed? Have you shone light ont he this dark path? What about the temperamental path you force yourself to endure? Is there a chance for joy and true love?

*pinch me* Tell me this is all not a just a dream...

***Love That Will Last- Renee Olstead tune playing in the background***

As Written on MSN Space! Hey you guys...comment on me please!

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 03:38:52 GMT

[Single, Straight, Simple, Spectacular] that's me! hehehe..

Oooh hey lovely people who read this blog of mine...First of all, I'd like to thak everyone who has taken the time to comment on my entries...you guys are so cweet!

Now, let me start my weekend ramblings...hehehe

Let's see...I spoke to Si Wei again [no surprise there] we had this wonderful chat about Coffee Cake he tortured me with it...grr hehe. I asked my parents to get me a brownie to ease the pain hehehe. We talked about boyfriends and losing best friends and he said "You will never lose me" I just love him for that!

Then we went on about dreams....his dream was really fantastic. It had:

Aliens [I started whining, got scared hehe]
Whales [ahhh...]
Cruise [a real ship like Titanic]

Wow it was a real creative dream...i admired him for that!

Then I spoke to David...He's got a new girlfriend now...we were giggling and joking around like old time buddies [we are old time buddies] hehe It was so much fun, We had something once but it's over now...He's really loveable! We exchanged phone numbers and well had tons of fun...haven't send him an SMS yet...maybe later...we went ton and on about how busy he is and how "popular" he is. hehehe. Sometimes I just don't understand why people despise him...oooh gosh I forgot, I've got to burn hin the latest Planet Shakers CD! hehe

I went fine dining at this new Northern Indian Cuisine restaurant at Ritz hotel...the food was fantastic...I felt like Royalty! hehehe but oh dear God..the result was completely terrifying, I kept feeling like throwing up....eventually I did...

BEWARE ALL HUMAN WITH DELICATE TUMMYS: FINE DINING KILLS AT SPICE GARDEN RESTAURANT!

[no wonder we were one of the only 2 families dining at that restaurant! hehe]

I spoke to Sean, right after that majestically treacherous dinner...It felt great to hear his voice again..after some time...I felt terrible not getting him anything on his birthday...sigh...well if he doesn't get a present from me...i don't deserve a birthday present from me either...sigh..

Anyway, we had this really good chat...he needed someone to confide in about something and I was really glad I could help!

But during the talk, I kept running to the bathroom to calm myself infront of the mirror, eventually I had to ask him to call me back after five minutes to completely drain myself...you have no idea what's it like to talk after you just got sick and threw up...[dun wanna think about it] but I just couldn't let him down [I can't let anyone down] so I persevered and made sure I helped him with his problem till the end...I was proud of myself for that!

I met him on MSN and we spoke for a while, I was really glad I could help him once again and I was unfortunately rewarded with a terrible headache and my "dessert" was aspirin after that dinner...

Right after that, I went to All Poetry, and my cheerful mood just vanished, my friend Nyte had passed away, the worst of all was that he had committed suicide...I just didn't know what to do. I didn't believe it at first, till I saw his obituary...Oh Christ, please forgive him. He was a wonderful friend to me. I was so startled and upset that I just couldn't handle Si Wei's strange behaviour at that time...

My friend, Silky Origami told me about Nyte:

"he killed himself a while back a few of us watched his obituary online that is all I know but he is dead this is not a joke but it is very sad I did not know him very well but a few of my friends were close to him and idk why he did what he did? but he is now at peace"

"oh, hey I did not know him very well it was a very very sad thing to see but? idk, just to make sure it is the same person was your Nyte?? because this one was. I just dont want to think you might be talking about someone else"

im sorry this has been a little while back how long ago did you talk to him??

Gosh, it was just sohard to take in...the chat with Silky was long, and the oblituary was so tragic...after all that...I hugged Silky good night...called Si Wei but he was sleeping, so I cried myself to a haunting sleep...Oh Nyte, I miss you so much...

When I woke up, I forced myself to forget everything but I couldn't...

Si Wei sent me an SMS:

"Did you know that when you're down and sad, and feeling like the whole world is against you, and that no one is there for you, you're alone in this whole earth, and you don't know what to believe in anymore. God is there for you and He loves you just like He loves all who loves Him. God loves us all!"

It was really cweet of him to help me..I was so thankful to him.

Then I met Daniel [Xelgaroth] online. I was so happy to meet him...He told me all about his camping trip in the mountains and we spoke a lot about weddings, in Virginia and in Malaysia...Dan is a Protestant and he told me he believed that brides are not meant to be "given" away by their parents but willingly accepting matrimony...I admire him a lot, he thinks very intelligently not to mention great believes and values!

I spoke to Kevin on MSN after that, he was telling me about his life and studies...we havent spoke in a long time, but I was reallyh glad I could break the ice between us...the poor guy is really lost in life...I pray he'll come out of it...Kevin said he has time for everybody...me included hehe..he's not so bad! He ask for some help in studies and I gladly gave my help, I just hope the poor guy comes out of things...

Now, I'm writing this entry hehe... I mean chronologically that's all the things that has been happened during this Saturday and Sunday....

Conclusion:

My ex are doing pretty well, they have their own girlfriends now and I'm happy for them although i'm not in any relationship. It's fantastic being great friends with your ex! Who says you have to despise your ex because they moved on...! Life is a circle that continues its way, everyday!
Please people, if you have a problem, suicide is NOT the answer! Please I just can't lose another person to the insanity of suicide!
FINE DINING AT THAT EVIL RESTAURANT KILLS! SURE, THE FOOD WAS GREAT BUT THE END RESULT IS A KILLER! LOL
Finally, like Si Wei says "Friends, what would you do without them!

Lots of love you wonderful people,

Meliza